The material on sin and sinfulness in the First Week is the one area that requires and has received the most adaptation for contemporary people. The images and symbols that Ignatius uses need adapting. We have learned much in 500 years. The vocabulary and insights of spirituality, theology and psychology have changed. No one has to convince us that sin is real and operative in our world; but how we talk about sin and the images we have about sin need adaptation. Sin is still with us: vicious or weak, ignorant or deliberate. Sin is still with us.

          We assume that persons making the Exercises have gone through a certain preparation. They have to know how to pray over Scripture, and they should know the Examen of Consciousness. By knowing the examen, I mean that a retreatant is in touch with the movements of his or her own affectivity at least in an inchoate or elementary way. He or she should be used to reading and interpreting these movements. Above all the retreatant must have a willingness to change. There is no point giving the Spiritual Exercises to a person who is not willing to change. The Exercises can take a college sophomore and be of service to him or her, or they can be used by someone who has been in Carmel 65 years. They cannot be of service to the retreatant who is unwilling to change. 

          The First Week of the Exercises is concerned with purification. The movement of the Exercises in general is purification  illumination   confirmation  union. Or to put it another way purification  illumination  confirmation in suffering and confirmation in joy.

          This First Week purification movement of the Exercises generally lasts from 7-9 days. Remember the "Weeks" are not calendar weeks, but they are "seasons of soul." The Exercises are a time of doing definite, personal tasks. This First Week is a time of purification. 

          In a 30-day retreat one needs 7-9 days for the First Week, 8-9 days for the Second Week, 4-6 days for the Third Week, 3-5 days for the Fourth Week. There is much leeway and Ignatius gives that permission to adapt right in the text [4]. Such adaptations are a part of the retreat as given by Ignatius.

          These Exercises are given one-to-one. There is not a word in the text that presupposes one is talking to a group. The Exercises are made one-to-one with a director. The Spiritual Exercises are not centering prayer. They are not totally a time of contemplative prayer in the generally accepted sense. They are not as time of unthematic prayer. On the contrary, the Exercises are very thematic. They are above all a series of graces, described classically by St. Ignatius and worked through by the retreatant in dialog with the director.

          It always amazes me, as I go on with the Exercises, how universally applicable they are. Ignatius has described what happens to people when God enters into their lives. It is a classic description. Does it happen always and everywhere exactly like this? No, as we mentioned before, things in the spiritual life are true "for the most part." It is not like the laws of chemistry or physics that have more predictability. Laws in the spiritual life are true for the most part. Can it happen in different ways? Of course, it can happen in many, many different ways. The graces grow and develop and God's call comes in many different ways. Nevertheless, the general patterns are classic and quite recognizable. Ignatius says,

By the term Spiritual Exercises is meant every method of examination of conscience, of meditation, of contemplation, of vocal and mental prayer, and of other spiritual activities that will be mentioned later. For just as taking a walk, journeying on foot, and running are bodily exercises, so we call spiritual exercises every way of preparing and disposing the soul to rid itself of all inordinate attachments, and, after their removal, of seeking and finding the will of God in the disposition of our life for the salvation of our soul. [1]

The Spiritual Exercises, which have as their purpose the conquest of self and the regulation of one's life in such a way that no decision is made under the influence of any inordinate attachment. [21]

          The Church's primary articulator of apostolic spirituality is St. Ignatius. Apostolic spirituality is a spirituality of choice at the level of faith. The emphasis is on the quality of one's decision-making. The emphasis is not on prayer as such, though prayer is very important. In the First Week of the Exercises one is looking to rid oneself of disorder so that decisions are not made under the influence of disordered affections or attachments. 

          One of the main themes of the First Week is Sin. What is sin to Ignatius? Disorder. When thinking about sin, think of disorder. In good order there is God, the human person, then all other creatures. God comes first. Human beings have a way of "mucking up" that order: putting creatures before the human person, putting the human person before God, putting creatures before God. When one gets that hierarchy out of order, that is sinfulness as far as Ignatius is concerned. It really is a great way of thinking about sin. It is a different from the model of sin as hurting God somehow. Sin is disorder.

          In the beginning of the Spiritual Exercises is the notion of God's personal, individual love for the retreatant. God loves that person personally, individually, and by name. That is where everything starts: God's personal love for the individual. Whether one gives the Exercises to a cardinal or a bishop, to a Carmelite of many years, or a college sophomore, it starts with the love of God. Why? Because the whole world starts with the love of God.

          Does the person really know that God loves him or her in any hypothesis, even the hypothesis of serious sin? God loves a person no matter how dumb, how smart, how pretty or how ugly. God loves each of us not with a contractual love but with a covenantal love. God does not love someone if that person gets his or her act together, or when that person gets his or her act together, but God loves us, no matter what.

          At the beginning of the retreat one prays over Isaiah 43:

"Now thus says Yahweh, who created you, O Jacob, who formed you, O Israel."

Now thus says Yahweh, who created you Jacob and who formed you, O Israel,: Do not be afraid for I have redeemed you. I have called you by your name, you are mine. Should you pass through the sea, I will be with you, through the rivers, they shall not swallow you up. Should you walk through fire, you will not be consumed and the flames will not scorch you for I, Yahweh, am your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt for your ransom and exchange Cush and Seba for you because you are precious and honored in my sight and I love you. [ Isa 43:1-12]

          The director may need to say, "Do you know in your bones that God loves you in any hypotheses, that you are precious and honored in God's sight and you are loved by God?" What the director is looking for is an experience in faith. It may or may not be accompanied by surges of emotion. 

Another place to pray is Romans 8, where Paul says,

What shall separate us from the love of God? After saying all this what can we add? With God on our side, who can be against us? Since God did not spare his own Son, but gave him up to the benefit of all we may be certain, after such a gift, that he will not refuse anything that he can give. Nothing therefore can come between us and the love of Christ. Even if we are troubled or worried or being persecuted or lacking food or clothes or being threatened, or even attacked, for I am certain of this: neither death nor life, no angel, no prince, nothing that exists, nothing to come, not any power or height or depth, nor any created thing can ever come between us and the love of God made visible in Christ Jesus, our Lord.

          The director knows the grace is received when the retreatant feels a bond of friendship with God and comfortable in God's Presence. The retreatant is a little more tolerant, gentle and fond of himself or herself. He or she can look on his or her foibles with a certain amount of fondness and not get anxious and unduly disturbed about them.

          A director can assign pertinent poetry, such as the "Hound of Heaven" for reflection in addition to Scripture. Some contemporary songs may help a retreatant to imagine someone who by their grace and manner reminds them of the Lord. The retreatant can admire how that person acts and conducts himself or herself. This is where the Spiritual Exercises are spiritual exercises: a series of graces, the first grace of which is that one knows one is personally, individually loved by God.

          I give retreats to Jesuits who give the Spiritual Exercises twenty times a year. Even so, I always start his pondering how he is personally and individually loved by God. That is the starting point.

          Some people call the first days of the retreat Disposition Days. These first days of the retreat are particularly important today when people need more time to get in touch with God's love for them. Perhaps in another era people were more aware of that reality.

          After praying over God's love, people come to the Principle and Foundation.

Man [woman] is created to praise, reverence and serve God our Lord, and by this means to save his [her] soul. The other things on the face of the earth are created for man [woman] to help him [her] in attaining the end for which he [she] is created. [23]

Hence, man is to make use of them in as far as they help him in the attainment of his end, and he must rid himself of them in as far as the prove a hindrance to him. [23]

Therefore, we must make ourselves indifferent to all created things, as far as we are allowed free choice and are not under any prohibition. 
Consequently, as far as we are concerned, we should not prefer health to sickness, riches to poverty, honor to dishonor, a long life to a short life. The same holds for all other things. [23]

Our one desire and choice should be what is more conducive to the end for which we are created. [23]

          This is a very large picture in faith. An individual person is making an individual retreat, but there is a gigantic statement here for all creation: for conducting business and industry, for interpersonal relations, education, and so on. This is an enormous statement in faith; and as the director of the retreat, one exercises the retreatant in that challenge. Ignatius' word for a retreatant in English is exercitant. The director exercises the person; the exercitant makes the Exercises. The retreatant is exercised by them. It is not just being with God. It is like being a rubber band: they are exercised, stretched, pulled, and snapped back into place and pulled out of place. 

          A retreat is a workout. The directed retreat is like a tailor-made suit rather than a suit off the rack. The person is being exercised in the way that fits him or her. A director takes whatever time is necessary to mold the retreat to fit the person's name of grace.

          The next step is to consider creatureliness. People have all kinds of reactions to the realization that they are creatures. Some people's reaction is fear. "I am a creature. I am not in control. I do not like that." Such a response is normal. Any response is acceptable. For others the response is one of great relief. "Oh, thank God. God is in charge. I do not have to run the whole show by myself."

          The general practice is to have the retreatants read the Principle and Foundation, pray about it, talk to God about it. Do I believe it? Do I believe it practically? What are the consequences that arise from my beliefs? 

          In addition I might have them pray on Job 38 where God says to Job,

I'll ask you some questions and you answer me. Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Tell me, if you know so much. From whose womb came forth the ice? Can you command the lightnings and they go and say to you, 'Here we are?' Do you know where the mountain goat brings forth its young? Have you sounded the depths of the sea? 

          In more contemporary language, in Jungian language, this is an exercise in thinking and feeling. The Principle and Foundation is a statement in faith, but it is certainly a thinking statement in faith. The director exercises that thinking function, and then balances it by exercising the feeling function from Scripture, moving back and forth as needed. The point is that the person is being exercised in both his or her feeling and thinking.

          The directed retreat is like a snowball rolling down the side of a hill. It always carries with it an integral core of many layers. At the core is the fact that God loves me, personally, individually, by name. Then the ball starts to roll and says, "You also have the relationship of creature to Creator, a relationship with this God who loves you personally. That you are creature also means that you have a relationship to all the other creatures on the face of the earth." That is a further layer of the metaphor.

          The role of the director is to process that insight and grace. You are fearful ... why? You are joyous. Why? You went from fear to joy, to wondering, to belief, to a little bit of disbelief... Why? Together one processes these movements of spirit, the spontaneous movements of affectivity.

          Notice the order there. God comes first, then the human person is created, then all the other creatures on the face of the earth. This order will be picked up at the end of the Exercises in the Contemplation for Attaining Love, with a slightly different nuance, but it is still the same order: God, the human person, all the other creatures.

          How long one prays over the Creator/Creature relationship is determined not by the calendar but by the grace that is building in the person. That is the beauty of the directed retreat. The director makes judgments based on what is happening in the retreatant, not what calendar day of the retreat it is.

          Some people say that the Principle and Foundation is outside the retreat and that [45], a meditation on the first, second, and third sin, is the First Exercise of the First Week. For them anything done before [45] is outside the Exercises. This is an academic distinction and question only because if one starts a Thirty Day retreat, one starts with God's love and the Principle and Foundation.

          The next grace focuses on the consideration of sin. A consideration of the Principle and Foundation will almost invariably bring up questions of sin and sinfulness because the retreatant will know, as a matter of fact, that he or she has not always kept things in their proper order nor has he or she always been indifferent. They will become aware of sin and sinfulness. More often than not there is a natural transition from considerations on the love of God and of being a creature to the considerations of sin and sinfulness. By the time one has reached the First Day of the First Week of the Exercises in the text [45], the director and retreatant have processed many days of prayer and reflection.

          As we said at the start of this chapter, the First Week of the Exercises is the most adapted section of the retreat in contemporary terms. Ignatius uses many images of sin. Some people can find those images very helpful; other people do not. 

          Ask the question, can the retreatant profit from the image or is the image an obstacle to his or her assimilation. Give them the kind of language they can receive. The dynamics are the same.

          We are adapting because we know better. We ought to say that right up front. We are not dualists or Manicheans. I think that is very important. We are not calling the body evil. We are not calling matter evil. We have a better theology and a better psychology than Ignatius did. That takes nothing away from his great religious genius, his love of God, or his clear-sightedness. It is just that, hopefully, in 500 years we have learned something in these important areas. 

          There is a definite outline and structure that is present in the meditations of the First Week. The First Day follows in this order:

1st. Exercise: Cosmic, archetypal sin [45]
2nd Exercise: My own personal sin [55]
3rd Exercise:  Repetitions [62]
4^th Exercise:  A summary of the 3rd exercise [64]
5th Exercise:  Meditation on Hell [65]

          A repetition, in the Ignatian sense, is not "doing it again" in the same way. Rather, a repetition is like a zoom lens on a camera. One looks at the big picture and then narrows the view, becoming more specific. There are sparks and anti-sparks in a repetition. 

          Remember when we defined grace as "the quality of one's personal presence to the world", we include the quality of one's personal presence to mountains and hills and rivers and rocks, the inanimate; to flowers and grass and trees, the animate; and then to chickens and ducks and giraffes and the animal world and to each other, to self, and to God. Sin is the opposite of grace.

          Bear in mind that this First Week of the Exercises has legitimately undergone the most adaptation [71]. The goal of the director is to broaden the person's knowledge of his or her own sin and sinfulness, a knowledge of the sin and sinfulness of the world, sinful structures, and at the same time God's mercy. Ideally, the Exercises bring persons naked and defenseless before God, knowing their sin and sinfulness and knowing that they are loved and forgiven.

          The First Exercise of the First Day is made at "midnight." [72] The point is that one gets up from sleep after quieting down from the day, makes the hour meditation, and returns to sleep. During the Thirty-Day or the Annotation [19] retreat it is very good to have the person pray at midnight. The director needs to adjust this if it is an Annotation [19] retreat and the person is going to work the next day. Perhaps on a weekend there would be an opportunity to pray in the stillness of night. Give them the opportunity to do that. That is important. Do not fear asking them to give up some sleep to pray. They will learn things about prayer that they cannot learn any other time.

          The First Exercise addresses cosmic sin represented by the angels and the story of the sin of Adam and Eve. There is a whole theology in the consideration of sin and sinfulness contained in the story of Adam and Eve. What does that story mean? It is an archetypal story to explain why things are so difficult here on earth. It predates any notion of evolution. Of course, some theologians are looking on that story now as the symbolic tension between the individual and the community and all the difficulty inherent in this tension. 

          It is important in this First Week of the Spiritual Exercises that one has people look at both cosmic sin and their own personal sin. There is a tendency in some directors to skip over the one or the other, or take either one lightly. The rest of the retreat must be built on a deep knowledge of both cosmic and personal sin.

          The First Exercise is a kind of active imagination. It does not make too much difference what the "sin" of the angels is or was. Some say the angels were given a pre-vision of the Incarnation and they refused to adore the God-Man because of human nature being less than angelic natures. One needs to watch the images of Dante and Scotus and Milton, even our own theology, because the definition of that sin of the angels is a matter of speculation. On the other hand, in Ignatius' time, it is likely that he was thinking of the angels not accepting the reality of the Incarnation. That need to accept the Incarnation is a theme that goes through the Exercises on many levels. In the mind-set of Ignatius the Incarnation is absolutely central.

          In the first meditation the consideration of cosmic, archetypal sin can be done by using the sin of the angels or the story of Adam and Eve. There are other ways as well: by thinking of sin as refusing to hear (Baruch 2:3, Isa 30:8, Jer 7:21), the possibility of sin as freedom (Mk 12:29, Lk 12:56, Romans 6:15), or adultery (infidelity) as the sin of Israel (Ez.16, Jer.3). Have them look at the newspapers. Something has gone wrong in the human family. 

          I do not know anyone who takes the Adam and Eve story as historically accurate now. I suppose there are some, but today it is important to realize that the story is in evolution toward ever greater understanding. We need to avoid losing that kind of insight and developmental theology.

          There are many ways of taking up the topic of sin. I have retreatants look at sin as "refusing to listen," sin as refusing to hear what God has to say. One can find many examples in Scripture: refusing to hear, Is.30:8; 42:18, Jer.7 or Bar. 2:5. Sin as refusing to listen, or refusing to hear is an important notion because when one comes to discernment, the point of discernment is to really listening to the Word of God [hypacuo]. Discernment is the opposite of refusing to listen. 

          Another help in looking at sin is to have the retreatant pray over the sin of Adam. The fact that one is free gives one the possibility of sin. The possibility of sin is freedom: Deut.30:15, "...therefore, choose life. I put before you the blessing and the curse..." Mark 12:29; Lk 12; Rom. 6:15. In all of those passages the possibility of sin is freedom.

          Of course, adultery is the sin of Israel. Israel went whoring after foreign gods when it was wed to Yahweh, and Yahweh is wedded to Israel. Ez 16, Jer 3. One can also consider the sin of Peter, the sin of Judas, for examples of different kinds of sin. 

          The Second Exercise of the First Day is a consideration of the history of one's own personal sin. The first point is a record of sins. 

I will call to mind the sins of my life, reviewing year by year, and period by period. Three things will help me in this: to consider the place where I lived; secondly, my dealings with others; thirdly, the offices I have held. [56] 
By these three points I weigh the gravity of my sins, consider who I am and by means of examples, humble myself; what am I, compared with all human persons, compared with the angels and the saints. Lastly, I compare all creation with God. "Then I alone, what can I be?" [58] 

          What is the meaning of sin? One has to watch not to narrow the focus too much. We are not primarily interested in the person's sharp tongue, careless accounting, or stinginess, their individual foibles and sin. It is not that these individual sins are unimportant.

          It is just that there is a whole world of disorder to be considered. In the Principle and Foundation sin is a whole vision in faith. Sin is real. Evil is real. It is an assumption of apostolic spirituality. Sin is working against this transformation in Christ, willed by the Father. It is very real. Look at the starving of the world, the plight of the refugees, the evil in our own juridical system. All these are examples of sin and sinfulness. One wants to "get a nose" for that.

          That is one of the purposes of this First Week: to know sin and sinfulness at first blush, both in oneself, one's own contribution to the disorder, but also to know sinful structures when one comes upon them. After doing the Exercises, one can no longer look at sinful structures and systems and shrug one's shoulders. That is not the way things have to go. We actively work against sin and sinful structures. Ignatius will have the retreatant look at personal sin later, but for now the emphasis is on the cosmic, social and ecological dimensions of human disorder. 

          In [53] the director invites the retreatant to make the colloquy. Notice the use of the creative imagination. In [53] Ignatius tells us, 

Imagine Christ our Lord, present before you upon the cross, and begin to speak with Him, asking how it is that though He is the Creator, [Pantocrator. He is calling Jesus Creator here]. He has stooped to become man and to pass from eternal life to death, here in time, that thus He might die for our sins. I shall also reflect upon myself and ask: What have I done for Christ? What am I doing for Christ? What ought I to do for Christ? As I behold Christ in this plight, nailed to the cross, I shall ponder upon what presents itself to my mind. [53]

The colloquy is made by speaking exactly as one friend speaks to another, or as a servant speaks to a master, now asking him for a favor, now blaming himself for some misdeed, now making known his affairs to him and seeking advice in them. [53]

           After the retreatant has gone over the history of his or her own sin, he or she comes to the Colloquy [61]. In it the person is exhorted to extol God's mercy and pour out his or her thoughts to God. That completes the second hour of the First Day of the First Week.

           Facilitating the retreat is a very active job on the part of the director. Directors have to have relevant stories that fit in as people are talking to them. They have to be able to give examples. These examples have to fit the retreatant. Though the director needs a supply of these stories and images, the airtime that the director uses is much less, of course, than that of the retreatant.

           How does one facilitate someone's retreat? One facilitates someone's retreat by talking to the retreatant, showing them what that graced personal presence looks like for them, letting the person know he or she is being understood. The director enters into the symbolic consciousness of the retreatant. Symbolic consciousness is the way that religious truth is perceived and assimilated. If one is merely looking for clear and distinct ideas, that means the affective component is not present. The symbol takes in the affective and the noetic or intellectual. It is a richer, fuller reality than conceptual assimilation. Symbolic consciousness is the adequate vehicle for life and for life with God.

           The next two exercises [62-63] call for repetition, closing with a fifth exercise on hell [65], an example of the application of the senses. 

           The question arises whether one should give the meditation on hell to all retreatants. The director needs to make a judgment whether this would be beneficial to the retreatant. It is in the meditation on hell where Ignatius introduces the Applications of the Senses. He has the retreatant smell the sulphur, feel the heat, and so on. Whether the meditation on hell is given or not, the retreatant should nevertheless be introduced to the Application of Senses at this time. One does not have to become Miltonian about hell. I have often used a line from Hosea here," For you I am no more." That is hell: separation from God. That sends a shiver up your spine. "For you I am no more."

           The First Week is the appropriate time to introduce the Application of the Senses. Doing this process here serves two purposes. It serves to introduce the Application of the Senses, and it serves to put the person at ease with sin and sinfulness. As a help I have used Rom. 7:20ff, where Paul says,

There are two laws in my members, and the good that I would do I do not do; the evil that I would not do, that I find myself doing.

Get yourself calmed down. Get yourself tranquil in body, in psyche and in spirit. Sit back in your chair. Close your eyes and feel the disorder of your eyes that just want to see, no matter if what they see is good for them or not. Feel the disorder of your ears that just want to hear, no matter if what they hear is good for them or not. Feel the disorder of your tongue that just wants to speak or taste, no matter if what it speaks or tastes is good for it or not. Consider your hands that just want to touch . . .

           Proceeding in this way is an example of Application of the Senses. It is a way of getting people into their own sin and sinfulness and it is a way of teaching Application of the Senses at the same time.

           Meditating on that image of disorder for an hour could be much more effective than meditating on brimstone and fire, the kind of poetic imagery that we have associated with hell. A bit of Dante could help as well. "Abandon all hope ye who enter here."

           The Third Exercise [62] is a repetition of the first and second exercises, always with that notion of zeroing in, of catching the spark or the anti-spark. This is where the Triple Colloquy is introduced [63]. Whenever things get very, very serious in the Exercises, out comes the Triple Colloquy. This Triple Colloquy is a prayer to Our Lady, to Jesus Christ and to the Father, asking for the grace that I have been praying for [id quod volo ]. The first moment is to Our Lady. Then one says the Hail Mary. The second moment is to Jesus followed by the Anima Christi (Soul of Christ). The concluding moment is prayer to the Father, which concludes with the Our Father. This colloquy ends the exercise. The grace for this repetition is three-fold:

1. An understanding of the disorder of my actions.
2. A feeling of abhorrence for the disorder.
3. A resolution to amend my life and put it in order [63] 

           Later on there will be other times when we are asked to honor creatures, to be careful of the ecology, to use creatures according to their finality. Hence the director needs to be careful how the id quod volo is pointed. I point this out here to show that the Exercises have room for considering contemporary issues, such as the plight of the poor, the misuse of the judicial system, of using other nations and peoples for one's own gain.

           Some people may find these considerations to be overwhelming. I think that whenever one makes people aware of harsh reality, a good director has to point it wisely and be supportive, be absolutely helpful in the processing of the retreatants' considerations and prayer. It is characteristic of real sin to be quite unknown. Therefore, it has to be revealed. That is why in the First Week it is good to have people pray over sin as refusing to listen, refusing to hear, engaging in idolatry and misusing freedom.

           There is an important dynamic evident in the Exercises, especially in the First Week. I call it by two names: "the prophet-dynamic" or the "that-man-is-you dynamic." Ignatius uses this dynamic very effectively. He has the retreatant look at the sin of the angels, the sin of Adam and Eve, the person in hell for one mortal sin, and he says, "Now look at your own sin." Another example of the prophet dynamic is David taking Bathsheba and sending Uriah up to the front of the fight. David told the other troops to draw back and let Uriah be killed. Nathan, the prophet, came to David and he told him the story of the man who had the little pet ewe, which slept with his children. A visitor came to visit the overlord and instead of taking a sheep or goat from his own numerous flocks, he took the man's pet ewe and slaughtered it and fed the guests. David was indignant and said, "That man should die." And Nathan said to David, "That man is you." David took Bathsheba. He had everything that he wanted, and he took Bathsheba from his servant.

           Ignatius often uses, both negatively and positively, the "that man is you" dynamic. Look at all this sin. That person is you. You have sinned. On the other hand, he does it positively, too. Look at the gifts of God to Christ. That person is you. It is a good dramatic device to help one assimilate an important truth.

           People need to be facilitated into a consideration of their sin and sinfulness. It is not easy. They have to go in there with their "hand in the hand of the Man who stilled the waters" or else one cannot face sin. That is the whole purpose of such a consideration. People need to know that God loves them individually and personally before they can face their own sin and sinfulness. This cannot be done by oneself. It is too fearsome.

           How does a good director facilitate someone at this point in the retreat? First of all, the person has to know that the director is not pointing a finger at him or her. We are all sinful. It just happens to be this person's time to consider it in the retreat. It is helpful to tell them stories of support. For instance, Ignatius said to Francis Xavier one time, "Francis, my greatest consolation is that I know I am an obstacle to grace." Note that he did not say his consolation was that he was an obstacle to grace, but that the consolation was that he knew he was. This knowledge of one's own sin and sinfulness is a great consolation and grace itself.

           If Ignatius can say that to Xavier, certainly each director can say that to a retreatant. We are sinful. Nice people, educated people sometimes do not know that they are sinful. As director, one has to facilitate their consideration of this mystery and help to make it acceptable to be sinful. It is through story that a good director lets a person know how we are all in the same boat, all needing to be redeemed.

           We are not sinners because we sin. We sin because we are sinners. Sinfulness is much more inclusive. For instance, somebody who is an inveterate helper or a compulsive helper cannot be called virtuous. Someone who consistently has a low self-image is not humble. Directors need to be aware of the pervasiveness of sin and sinfulness. They need to have a sensitivity to the precise circumstances which people face and to apply specific and appropriate remedies.

           A story is told of a novice who wanted to volunteer for a new mission. When he presented himself, he said," I have to go to the missions." Note the compulsive unfreedom. The novice master replied, "Well, pray over it and come back when you would just like to go to the missions. It could be a good idea, but maybe God can save the world without your ever leaving for the missions." 

           Psychologists speak of a "holding environment." They speak of the "good enough mother" or the "good enough father." If one has a good enough mother and a good enough father, the child will grow up normally and acceptably. The mother and father do not have to be excellent. They do not have to know all the latest psychology. They just have to be good enough. They provide food and clothing, touch and shelter and love. Psychologists call that a "holding environment," an environment in which one can make mistakes, where one does not have to produce, a time for growing and experimenting and learning. In a retreat the director has to provide the person with a holding environment that is supportive and understanding to the retreatant as he or she faces his or her own sinfulness. 

           Do not gloss over the importance of these considerations of sin and sinfulness, thinking you are doing someone a favor. A retreatant will never be in a better position to face his or her own sinfulness than when the person has prayed over God's personal love, and the Creator/creature relationship. During this time the director is listening and praying for the retreatant and providing that holding environment. This calls for some focused energy on the part of the director.

           When people are in the First Week of the Exercises, they have to expand their perspective about sin and sinfulness. Many children have stolen small amounts of money, and unfortunately they will carry the guilt of that with them forever. Others carry early sexual-related experiences about which they feel guilty. Some had difficult experiences with the Sacrament of Penance as a child. A good director tells stories and asks questions that foster an atmosphere in which these worries become integrated with love and forgiveness. As director, one encourages the retreatant to take "all that stuff and kiss it up to God." Ignatius says that,

... our enemy is like a false lover who tries to seduce the daughter of a good father, or the wife of a good husband and he wants his seductions kept secret. They are not to tell anybody. But if the person mentions it to a spiritual person, then he knows he will not succeed. [326]

           Some of the art of knowing what to do or say depends on the director's knowing the history of the person and the sensibilities of their context and times. People much younger or much older than the director will have a whole different kind of world-view and experience. A good director is careful to name the experience in a way that each directee will understand. A retreat is a time to lift burdens, and the director's attitudes throughout these considerations will be very important.

           In a very real sense the director has the opportunity to mediate the mercy of Christ to the retreatant. The director sincerely shows the mercy, the understanding, the attitudes that convey God's deep love for the individual. How the director does this throughout these considerations will be very important.

           I like to ask people some questions at this point such as, "Have I a blind spot I cannot or will not admit?" "How has my sinfulness affected the apostolate? "These two questions fit well into the First Week. Since the purpose of the First Week is to be defenseless enough to accept God's mercy, this defenselessness means the capacity to own my own limitations and not make excuses for them or blame them on heredity or society or bad luck. When we ask for God's mercy, we stand before Him and say, "Deal with me according to Who You are, not according to who I am." 

           This basic attitude reminds me of a story. One time in Washington D.C., I came out of the door and saw a man taking the battery out of my car. I walked up to him and asked what he was doing. He told me he was taking this battery to the service station for the man who owns it. I said, "That's my car." "Oh," he said putting the battery back in and tightened it up. In effect he was saying, "I am caught in the act." When one is caught in the act, one pleads a case of nolo contenderei n our courts: I do not contest this. That is what mercy means. I enter a plea of no contest before the Lord saying, " I put myself at the mercy of the court. Do with me, deal with me according to your nobility, not according to my crassness. I ask You to deal with me according to who You are."

           A director can help a person toward this realization by having him or her pray over mercy parables: the Prodigal Son Lk 15:11, the woman taken in adultery in John 8:1, the Good Samaritan Lk 10:29. Talk with the person to see what would touch them, what would help move them, what would help them realize God's mercy and assign that passage for prayer.

           The First Week then can be summed up as follows: The movements of grace in the First Week flow from one to the other. In the Principle and Foundation [23] we have learned that God loves me personally, individually, and by name. The retreatant prays over that a few days, using Isaiah 43:1-11 or 49:16 and Romans 8:31. One might suggest poetry or perhaps a popular song, or whatever touches the retreatant effectively.

           We also pray over the Creator-creature relationship. The other creatures on the face of the earth are meant to help the human person to get to God. Thus, one uses creatures in as much as they help and does not use them in as much as they do not help. There is a rhythm of thinking and feeling- a kind of thinking statement in the Spiritual Exercises sandwiched by the feeling statements from Scripture. One spends a day on that, perhaps two days, until the grace is there. The director is looking for the quality of the retreatant's affective presence to the aspect of faith that Ignatius calls the Principle and Foundation. 

           Next the person is lead into considerations of sin and sinfulness, knowing that they are thoroughly loved by God and that everything on the face of the earth was created to praise, reverence and serve God. Creatures are used tantum quantum, in as much as they help. This is followed by prayer over cosmic sin, the sin of Adam and Eve, and then personal sin. When the time is right, the person rests in forgiveness and mercy. If all has gone will, a nascent desire for a more vigorous participation in the Kingdom is coming into evidence.

           The Director will know that it is time for the retreatant to pass from the First Week into the Kingdom and the Second Week because the retreatant will exhibit attitudes of gratitude, peace, and non-defensiveness. The person is content to be naked and defenseless before God. Sorrow for sin is shown predominantly by a desire to labor with Christ to help build the Kingdom.